Here I am. 11:45 pm on a Sunday night. I need to go to sleep because, like everyone in my statistics class knows, I usually make up for my lack of sleep from the night before from 8 am to 9:10 am Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. But, for some reason, since I've been in North Carolina at college I haven't gotten one full night of sleep. Even if I go to sleep early I end up either lying in bed for hours thinking about the many things I need to do, or I pass out and wake up three or four times. Maybe its because I always go to bed before my roommate is back in the room and subconsciously I am checking to make sure she arrived home safely, because the nights I wake up the most are the ones when she doesn't come home at all. But currently I am perched on my lofted bed fully aware that she is in the room directly bellow mine with her boyfriend...ish and safe and I still can't sleep.
I have too many things on my mind. I need to clear my head. I need to focus on what is really important at school, aka keeping my current straight A's and my GPA high. I need to get my homework done, which has been a problem for me since I discovered what procrastination was in high school. I need to un-discover it. I need to remember what it was like to be the only 8th grader in Burt's class to start the project the day after it was assigned. I need to remember that having three days for a paper means you have three days, not only the night before.
And my learning how to get on top of my work is just one point in my goal of learning self control. I have absolutely no self control, which I'm hoping I can fix in college. The college environment is one in which control is necessary if you want to survive. There are so many things to succum to here, like in high school, but I have to make a difference in myself. I was the poster child for peer pressure in high school. If everyone else was doing something, so was I. It made myself so incredibly self concious that I couldn't stand it. Now, I need to understand what is best for myself, not what is best for my appearance and personality towards others. I need to find myself before I can realize what I want to do for the rest of my life and who I want to do it with.
I have too many things on my mind. I need to clear my head. I need to focus on what is really important at school, aka keeping my current straight A's and my GPA high. I need to get my homework done, which has been a problem for me since I discovered what procrastination was in high school. I need to un-discover it. I need to remember what it was like to be the only 8th grader in Burt's class to start the project the day after it was assigned. I need to remember that having three days for a paper means you have three days, not only the night before.
And my learning how to get on top of my work is just one point in my goal of learning self control. I have absolutely no self control, which I'm hoping I can fix in college. The college environment is one in which control is necessary if you want to survive. There are so many things to succum to here, like in high school, but I have to make a difference in myself. I was the poster child for peer pressure in high school. If everyone else was doing something, so was I. It made myself so incredibly self concious that I couldn't stand it. Now, I need to understand what is best for myself, not what is best for my appearance and personality towards others. I need to find myself before I can realize what I want to do for the rest of my life and who I want to do it with.
Posts
