I promised myself I wasn't going to do something. I had three whole months to think of exactly what I was going to say instead of what I normally do, but when it all came down to it I couldn't bring myself not to do it. And not it as in the dirty meaning, it as in what I had promised myself I wasn't going to do. I am helpless when it comes to this particular thing. Absolutely helpless. I just melt. But at least I won't be able to fuck up like this again until May, if I even get the chance to fuck up again. Its just not the right time to do this thing. Someday there will be a right time, but its not now even though all I want in the world is for that time to be now.
I can't wait until tomorrow when I tell my friends who had been helping not to do what I didn't want to do, but really did want to do, what I did... not.
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